Daughter of late hospice patient says Christmas gave her ‘focus’ during the last days of her mum’s life

The festive period, on paper, is supposed to be a time of merriment, strolling through Christmas markets, enjoying a hot drink, and reuniting with loved ones. This, however, is not the case for every family in the UK. 

Some families will be spending Christmas in a hospice ward, holding hands with their loved ones as they take their final breaths. 

Gina Hallums is one such individual who spent a large portion of the lead-up to Christmas last year in St Ann’s Hospice in Greater Manchester with her mum, Sue, who would die two weeks before Christmas Day. 

Sue was 66 when she arrived at St Ann’s Hospice and according to Gina, she was a “lively, boisterous, playful” person. 

“She was a natural carer. She was very whacky, you didn’t know what she was going to do next. She was very family-oriented throughout her life she did a lot for her community. She was a care home manager for years and then went on to become an assistant physio at Royal Bolton Hospital, so she was always helping people,” Gina said. 

Gina says her experience of hospice care during the festive period was “mixed” due to constant Christmas reminders. 

“With it being Christmas, it also gave us a bit of focus. Some people might think that being in a hospice around Christmas is the worst thing that could happen. In some ways, it was a blessing because you had something to focus on. You had Christmas cards to write or presents to wrap or Christmas music to listen to or tinsel to decorate the room with. If she had been there in the middle of January or February, there wouldn’t have been that community thing to focus on,” Gina said. 

Even though Gina went through a difficult period with her family, she said there was no shortage of memories that make her smile when she looks back on them. 

“Walking into my mum’s room in the hospice felt peaceful and joyful and while she was there, I organised a couple of surprises for her. I’m in a barbershop quartet, and they turned up to the hospice one day and we sang a few songs for my mum. I also run a few choirs and we organised to do a Christmas concert for her, just for half an hour. Eighty members of the choir showed up, they came from all over to support my mum and I,” Gina said. 

“We also knew she wouldn’t last until Christmas Day, so we organised our own with the incredible help of the staff. Mum was in her bed and we were all putting Christmas music on and dancing, and obviously she couldn’t move much but she tied some tinsel around a bowl and put that on her head as a hat and she was using long bits of tinsel to direct us while we were dancing. That just sums my mum up perfectly, she was absolutely bonkers but always made you smile. That was the last bit of energy she had and gave, and it made everybody smile.” 

According to Gina, one bit of advice she would give to someone experiencing a similar situation to what she did is to “not be afraid to ask questions”.  

“The staff were always happy to answer questions. Obviously to them, everything we experienced was a part of their day-to-day job but to us it was new. It’s all just weird and alien. They were very happy to take the time to talk about what to expect. That bit of extra support was really helpful. 

“The staff always treated me and my mum with respect. Even though you knew why you were there, it didn’t quite feel like that. There was a lot of positivity and there was a lot of emotional support to help you make the most of the time you had left. All of those little moments that were strung together helped to boost me and keep me going so I could support my mum. So, whilst there is incredible medical and clinical work that is being done, it’s all of those extra little touches that really mean the most when you are going through the worst thing that you can imagine. 

“If I could give one other piece of advice for someone going through something similar during the lead-up to Christmas is to just lean into the Christmas spirit. Just because the time you have with that person is limited doesn’t mean that you can’t make the most of it. While Christmas can be a difficult time if you lean into that support that is available, it can bring you all together, it gives you a focus and enables you to have some genuinely, really joyful moments in those last few days and weeks of someone’s life,” Gina added. 

Gina’s mum, Sue passed away at St Ann’s Hospice on December 12, 2023.